totally rambling

October 7, 2006 at 8:44 pm (faith, Family, goats, homeschooling, nygerian dwarf goats, parenting, smatterings)

Being a single mom, with 4 kids, I rarely have time to have a thought of my own. By this, I mean, that most of my thoughts revolve around my kids and the house. “Laundry, dishes, baths/showers, cleaning, change diaper again (working on potty training), stop hitting, don’t chase the dog, clean up your room, breakfast, lunch, dinner ( not just fixing, but trying to think of what to fix), mowing the lawn…” and the list goes on, all day, every day, from the moment I wake until #4 finally goes to bed. And since I homeschool the older two, and am starting on Mr K, after they go to bed I work on lesson plans for the next day. What to do in math, english, spelling, writing, science and soon history. Now don’t misunderstand, im not complaining. Just simply stating a fact. I often feel like im just going through the day in a fog. Like a robot, from one chore onto the next. Continuous, through-out every day. Never ending. My oldest does like to help out as much as she can. She is quite the little mommy. But she is still a kid and I would like her to be able to just be a kid. Not have to grow up too quick.

Blondie Girl had to write a couple sentences the other day about someone that she would like to be. She thought for a couple minutes, and then proclaimed “ I want to be like you, Mom”. I was quite thrilled, I thought this was quite the compliment. So I asked her why she had chosen me. She said it was because “ you don’t have to do anything. You just get to do what ever you want all day long”. My jaw almost hit the floor! So I kindly asked her who made sure her clothes were clean, who bought the food she eats, who cleaned her house, who cooked her food, who taught her lessons, .. And on and on. She got this quizzical look on her face and said “ well I guess that’s you”. Yeah!! I guess that is me… Who would have thunk? You mean all that stuff doesn’t get done by little fairies in the middle of the night?

Its interesting the things kids take for granted. I guess that is part of childhood innocence. So I guess it’s a good thing. They shouldn’t have to worry about bigger problems like that. And im glad that my daughter thinks that I don’t really do much, and that I get to choose what I do all day. I guess in actuality, I do. I am the one who chose to have 4 kids, and to homeschool. I chose this path in life. I love this path. I love being home with my kids, watching them grow everyday. Watching them become closer as siblings. Watching them learn. And deciding what they should be learning, and how to teach them those things. Just as a parent should be doing. So even as I walk through this life day after day, doing the same things today as I did yesterday. I am profoundly happy and intensely uneasy at the same time. I know that sooner or later this is going to come to an end. I am going to have to get a job outside the home, again. I am going to have to put my kids in childcare, again. Someone else is going to be raising my kids for a couple days a week, again. Even now as I am typing this, it brings tears to my eyes. These are my children. They should be home with me, and I should be home with them. That’s just the way it is supposed to be, with my family. But that is not the way it is going to be.

I moved to my piece of property with the intentions of breeding, raising and selling Nigerian dwarf goats. That is what I want to be doing. But after the move I ran out of money. Deposits were just too expensive, the moving truck was too expensive. Just everything cost more with this move than I had anticipated. So I ran out of money, and couldn’t start up my goats. This is an idea that I have wanted for quite awhile. This is a great way for me to make money, and stay home with my kids, while teaching them about chores and taking care of something other than themselves. I have always wanted to raise my kids in the country, with animals, chores and responsibilities like that. Well at least one part of my dream has come true. We are in the country. Trees all around us. It is beautiful. But we are flat broke.

I realized a couple years back that I really have no-one to depend on, except myself. I mean I have my mom. She helps me out a great deal right now, with my car being broke. She comes over and lets me use her car to go grocery shopping and stuff like that. And I have my sister. I know she will always be there for anything she can help with. But ultimately its just me. It is up to me to provide for my kids. Housing, food, clothing.. Everything. I cant depend on their dads for much of anything. One is a drug addict, who happens to be in jail at this very moment. And the other is working at the moment and pays a little child support, but I just found out that his job is ending soon. As will the child support. That is the money that I am pretty much living on right now. That is the money that pays the bills. So when it ends, I have no freakin clue what is going to happen to us. Praying a lot at the moment about that.

So, since my goats idea hasn’t worked out yet, since you need money to make money, and with the knowledge that I need to support my family somehow, I have decided to go back to school. Anyone that knows me, knows that school and I don’t get along. Never have. I never liked school, even in elementary school. Hated having to go. I dropped out my junior year, but had actually started skipping classes in middle school. But now I know that I have to go to school, to get some kind of degree, so I can get some kind of job, so I can support my kids.

So these have been my brain ramblings at night, after my youngest, #4, goes to bed. He is always the first one up and the last one to bed. I think he is allergic to sleep or something. So for those few quiet hours at night, before I turn in, I have been pondering school. I have actually started going to GED classes and will hopefully be able to take my GED tests quite soon. Which will mean I can enroll in school quite soon also. I am excited about and dreading school, all at the same time. I think I will do much better this time, but there isn’t anything that I WANT to be learning. I want to be doing the goat thing. And I want to be teaching childbirth classes. Or what would be even more awesome is if I could be doing my doula stuff. Which I did training in almost 5 years ago, but haven’t been able to do yet. But goats, childbirth classes and doula stuff just isn’t practical or possible right now.

So, through out my little “my time” when I can have my own “ non-mom” thoughts, they have often turned to school lately. Its not what I want to be doing, but I have to just remember that my kids depend on me. And this will give us a chance to have a better life. Have new shoes when we need them. Pay the bills without stressing. Play sports, have a working car. Just not be so much in poverty, hopefully.

So now that I have just rambled forever, I think this is the longest post in history. I think I will end now. Maybe go watch a movie or something. All the kids are gone for the weekend, so I actually get a whole weekend of “non-mom” thoughts. Crazy thought.. LOL Guess that’s where all this rambling came from.. LOL

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Free Hugs

September 29, 2006 at 8:28 pm (faith, Family, smatterings)

FREE HUGS FOR ALL!!!

I guess this is one more example of why we cant use the saying “nothing is free anymore”.

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kinda funny

September 14, 2006 at 10:11 pm (smatterings)

ONE WISH

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.

The genie said, “Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I’m a one-wish genie. So… what’ll it be?”

The woman did not hesitate. She said, “I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony.”

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, “Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I’m out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years.. I’m good but not THAT good! I don’t think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable.”

The woman thought for a minute and said, “Well, I’ve never been able to find the right man. You know – one that’s considerate and fun, romantic, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is good in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn’t watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for…a good man.”

The genie let out a sigh and said, “Let me see the map again.”

TEACHER APPLICANT

After being interviewed by the school administration, the eager teaching prospect asked:

“Let me see if I’ve got this right. You want me to go into that room with all those kids, fill their every waking moment with a love for learning, and I’m supposed to instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity, modify their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and even censor their T-shirt messages and dress habits.

You want me to wage a war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for weapons of mass destruction and raise their self esteem. And you want me to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship, fair play, how to register to vote, how to balance a checkbook, and how to apply for a job.

I am to check their heads for lice, maintain a safe environment, recognize signs of anti-social behavior, make sure all students pass the state exams, even those who don’t come to school regularly or complete any of their assignments.

Plus, I am to make sure that all of the students with handicaps get an equal education regardless of the extent of their mental or physical handicap. I am to communicate regularly with the parents by letter, telephone, newsletter and report card.

All of this I am to do with just a piece of chalk, a computer, a few books, a bulletin board, a big smile and on a starting salary that qualifies my family for food stamps! You want me to do all of this and then you tell me…

I CAN’T PRAY ???”

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What kind of Mom are you?

September 14, 2006 at 8:01 pm (smatterings)

Are You a Slacker Mom?

Your quiz results make you a Bring it on Mom

You my dear, are the envy of all your friends. You roll with the punches. Gum in you hair? You know peanut butter is just the thing to get it out. With a roll of duct tape for any emergency and lots of love, there’s nothing you can’t do for your kids.

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A trip Northward

September 12, 2006 at 4:46 pm (smatterings)

My brother and sister-in-law have been living north of Seattle for about 5 years now. Usually once or twice a summer my mom and I take a trip up there. They own a big vegetable stand up there called Country Farms.camping-the-fruit-stand-063.jpg         camping-the-fruit-stand-066.jpg We usually either stay in a hotel or camp out on their property.  camping-the-fruit-stand-068.jpg This time we chose to camp behind their gazebo. The weather was nice, except for the rain on Friday night. But we are Oregonians, so we are used to it. We had found out just a few days before we left that this would be our last trip up there. My brother and his wife have decided to move to Florida and buy a sail boat. They are both water lovers and this has been a dream of theirs for quite a few years. So after finishing selling Christmas trees, they will come down and see us for Christmas and then take off on an exciting adventure, looking for a new home in a warmer climate. Here is a picture story of our last trip to the fruit stand… Many good memories had at this place. img_0395.JPG Mr. K. and Aunt Trish, eating lunch together. This was the first time they had seen Mr. K in almost 2 years. #4 didnt get to come on this trip, as there wasnt enough room in the car. So he stayed home with Dad. img_0425.JPG My Mom and I, looking through a magazine full of sail boats. They arent for us, but wish them much luck in their journey.  img_0428.JPG We took a trip around Lake Stevens one day. Beautiful lake, with many great houses around it.  img_0445.JPG Climbing on boxes, behind the veggie stand. Mr K was King of the Boxes! img_0436.JPG They dont have human children, but these are their kids. Miles and Lucy. img_0401.JPG My brother on the fork lift. img_0405.JPG And playing the Ukilelee, practicing for Florida. He has played the guitar since he was about 12.  img_0407.JPG Blondie Girl was even getting into it. We spent our evening in the gazebo, listening to the kids play the guitar and Jimmy Buffett’s Radio Marguaritaville on Sattelite Radio. Yes, we are all Parrotheads!!  Had to take school with us, since we just started.img_0394.JPG img_0400.JPG Grami and the little travelers, behind the fruit stand. Trying to stay out of the way of the crazy fork lift driver. Sunset on the second night.   img_0403.JPG img_0454.JPG Mr. K was in seventh heaven with all the fruit he could eat. He was loving just being able to go snag a strawberry or orange from the shelf and dig in.  Blondie Girl with the ear of corn that looked like a cactus.img_0461.JPG img_0415.JPG Drama Queens self portrait. Sunset on our last night there. How beautiful!! img_0448.JPG img_0463.JPG Just before we left, had to take the final shot. See you at Christmas J and T…  img_0464.JPG On the road, going back home. Can you see Mt Rainier in the distance? We had a Veggie Tales CD that I had made for the trip that kept us entertained for many hours. So we made it home, picked up #4, and unpacked the car. It was a great trip, we had alot of fun. Its always great to see family again. It was back to regular life today.. What ever that is.. 😉

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Coast

September 3, 2006 at 12:40 pm (smatterings)

We did have a good day at the coast. Lots of driving, but thats one of my favorite things to do. We first headed to Walport, then went North up to Newport. Wanted to eat at Mo’s and have some clam chowder. But the line was out the door at both locations (that happen to be right across the street from one another). So we decided to then go to Arctic Circle. Had a good lunch, then went to the beach. The boys had fun running in the sand and smashing all the sand castles I would make for them. After the beach we drove farther North, to Lincoln City. Found Devils Lake, something I had never seen before. Beautiul little lake, with many people out enjoying the sun and water. After driving around the lake, we headed back down to Newport and Wally World, to buy the boys a new dinosaur. They had been really good in the car, so we decided to reward them. We ran into Nana at Wally World. It was good to see her again, and see that she was doing good at her new job. We then headed back to the bay front. Cant leave the coast without buying fresh salt water taffy. Went to a great little store, where you can pick from about 100 different types, and fill up your own bag. Always fun going there. Was about time to head home. Was a good day!

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Sand.. as far as the eye can see (if your 3 and 4 1/2)

September 3, 2006 at 12:26 pm (smatterings)

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Mr K and #4 running/playing in the sand.

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Sand Castles

September 3, 2006 at 12:22 pm (smatterings)

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What else is there to do with a sand castle, then to smash it?

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Oregon Coast

September 3, 2006 at 12:15 pm (smatterings)

My mom and I took the boys to the coast yesterday.

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The boys running through the tunnel, to get to the beach. Happy to be out of the car and able to run.

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